**I do NOT condone anyone trying these, but oh, my word, HILAIROUS!! My apologies to any police officers that come across this, lol!!**
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
The first one out the door at 2:00am weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.
When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, “How can this be?”
To which the man replied, “Because tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
Entrepreneurs – The Childhood Years
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
Can You see me?
I know I’m small.
A speck, really.
Just one of three billion other people on this planet, all demanding Your attention in one way or another.
I hope You can see me, though, cause I need You right now.
I know it may not look like it.
I’m not homeless; I have a wonderful house to live in.
I’m not starving; I have food in my cupboards and the ability to get more.
I’m not unemployed; I have a wonderful job that I enjoy.
I have a good car. Amazing friends. Incredible support. Money in the bank. A college education. More love than I think I deserve. Wonderful opportunities to serve You.
Yes. It may look like I don’t need You. But looks can be deceiving.
I wear a smile on my face. It’s because I really am happy. But I think there’s something wrong with my heart. It feels…broken.
Some people may think that means I love You less, or not as much as I should. That’s not true. I love You more than my very life. I’m not in danger of “losing my religion” or anything. No, that part’s ok.
The broken pieces of my heart feel…lonely. I know that sounds crazy, especially since I’m surrounded by such incredible people whom I love and who love me in return. But that’s the only way to describe the way I feel.
I’m surrounded by people, but still feel alone.
Is there a cure? I don’t know.
Why did it start? I don’t know.
How long will it last?
I don’t know.
There’s a lot I don’t know. But there is one thing. One thing I know for certain with all the broken pieces of my heart.
I’m hanging on to You.
So, God…can You see me?
I’m driving down the road. It’s a nice, breezy day. I’ve got my window down, music nicely coming through the speakers, everything’s very casual. I stop at a stoplight. Then…I hear it before I see it.
BOOM BOOM BOOM
That loud metallic rattling like something is trapped and trying to get out of a car’s trunk. Then this car with kids hanging out of it pulls up with music you can hear (and feel!) within a one-tenth mile radius! I roll my eyes, clench my teeth, and mutter how annoying it is that their NOISE is ruining MY calm afternoon.
I turn to glare at the kid driving, thinking that maybe my disapproving look will make them want to turn off their pollution and turn on my calming music. The kid driving turns to look at me. Our eyes meet.
The kid is me, fifteen years ago.
I was falling
Falling so deep
Into a world I wanted nothing of
It was everywhere
There was plenty
So very much to spare
Tearing me apart
Why? Why did it have to be?
I deserved it. I wanted it.
Enough to bring it upon myself
Or try to, anyways
Leave me, I’m fine
All around, from them, from me
Go away, just let me be
I am falling
Falling so deep
Into a world I want everything of
Abounding, radiant, shining
Evidenced in grace, mercy galore
Chains broken, heart lifted
Free to live life as it should be
Poured out freely, with the greatest of love
Washing me clean, making me white as snow
Bringing life to all
Normally when I hear the word “forgiveness,” I think of the Ryan Reynolds/Amy Smart movie Just Friends. In the film, Ryan’s character works in the music business, and his boss wants him to follow around a braindead socialite that he’s looking to sign to his record label. During a flight to Paris, Samantha James (the aforementioned socialite) has started working on a song entitled “Forgiveness.” It seems like the only thing she’s done is sing the first verse of the song since they left. She sings it again. Then again. She then imagines if Bono sang it with her. Again and again and again and again. Then she sets the plane on fire. Hilarity ensues for the rest of the movie.
Back to her song. The first line of the song, “Forgiveness is more than saying sorry” is rather poignant, given the context that it’s presented. When looking at Jesus, forgiveness is so much more than us saying that we’re sorry for sinning. Forgiveness is the acceptance of what Christ did for us. The entirety of it. His life (sinless), death (brutal), and resurrection (miraculous) were all prophesied by the prophets and fulfilled in the Son of God so that every sin could be wiped away. As a mere, sinful man, I can’t imagine what Jesus must have felt to forgive not just my transgressions, but all of humanity’s. Every thing leading up to and following his death on the cross. There’s a saying that when someone has a difficult decision to make, the “weight of the world” is upon their shoulders. With Jesus, it literally was.
No, there is no “logical” way to explain his sinless life, death, and rising from the dead other than the simple fact that he was an incarnate deity–the Son of God. There doesn’t need to be some man-made, scientific, rational explaination for what happened. The supposed “logic” of man is mere folly to God as it is. One act of obedience led to the departure of condemnation for sins. There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. How is that an allegorical or ficticious writing? It seems quite blunt to me. Christ died and rose again so that our sins could be forgiven.
With that all being said, that means forgiveness is real. It means it’s tangible. It also means that sin and all that it entails is real. We’re weak creatures. We’re not inherently good–we’re inherently sinful, therefore “bad.” We need Him. I thank God for His grace, mercy, and love that He freely gives to us. It’s something that is so simple, yet so often contested and debated. The price has been paid in full. With that entire scope, it almost seems foolish that we struggle to accept His forgiveness (and admit that we need it), as well as forgive those in our lives who wrong us. I’m just as guilty of harboring hurts and pain. They seem rather inconsequential in comparison to what Jesus must have felt to forgive everybody who was, is, and is to come. Wow. It blows my mind.
Even in my walk with Christ now, I struggle to accept His forgiveness. Why am I so special? Why are any of us? We are worthy because He loves us. Everything that this world deems as “love” fails. The one true love? Never. I thank God for loving me enough to forgive me, even when I’m ready to write my life away. It sounds selfish, but everybody is worthy of that love and acceptance into the King’s arms. If you have yet to experience that love, I urge you to run to Him. He wants to know you so that he may love you and show you how to live a life full of His love.