Wordless Wednesday

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Tuesday Tickles: Because we’re all going to need a laugh today.

Today is a pretty heavy day. This election will determine greatly the direction our country is going to take. There is good and bad on both sides. And there’s no formula to figure out who’s voting for who. I have wonderful Christian friends who are voting Obama. I have wonderful non-Christian friends who are voting Romney. Religion, race, social status, gender…no stereotypes quite fit for this race. And that is rather a good thing.

No matter what, what’s to be done will be done. No amount of anger, bitterness, or hatefulness is going to change it. So please…don’t risk losing relationships because “your guy” didn’t win. It’s not worth it. The beauty of this country is our freedom to vote our conscious without fear of judgment. At least that’s how it’s supposed to be. Don’t be the one to ruin that freedom.

Because of the events of today, I felt we were all going to need a good laugh. And that is what I have found for you. When you start to get stressed out, worried, or fearful today, hit play on this video and forget about your woes for at least three minutes.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you…CATS!!

Soapbox Saturday: Ode to the Presidential Elections

My favorite show comes on the air
I’ve waited all week for this!
I settle on the sofa, eagerly await
Then let loose a long, evil hiss

It’s that face! It’s that ad!
Why won’t it just go away?
Don’t you know when you talk smack
I don’t care what you have to say?

I’m sick of Obama! I’m sick of Romney!
I’m sick of this whole mess!
I’m quite ready to blow up my TV
I really must confess.

But no! It’s not just the TV
That harbors these annoying faces
On every website they can be seen
Fouling up the best of places

On my facebook. On my email.
On my Weather Underground.
On Yahoo and youtube, tcpalm too
These smear campaigns can be found

I wish I could know this will all stop
When Nov 6 finally rolls around
But alas, it’s only just beginning
Either way, we’re going down

Because it’s not solely on the President
To bring our country up to par
It falls on each of us to do our part
But face it, our laziness has gone too far

Welcome to the new normal, I say
Obama or Romney ain’t changing a thing
Because it’s our people that won’t step up
And it’s our own necks we wring

So as this election draws ever so near
Remember it’s our own conscience we have to fare
And because I want to sleep at night
I’m voting for Stephen Colbert!

Tuesday Tickles: Stories to Make You Giggle

**I do NOT condone anyone trying these, but oh, my word, HILAIROUS!! My apologies to any police officers that come across this, lol!!**

Pub Stakeout

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00am weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.

Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.

The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.

When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, “How can this be?”
To which the man replied, “Because tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”

——————————————–

Entrepreneurs – The Childhood Years

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

Soapbox Saturday: TURN THAT RACKET DOWN!!

I’m driving down the road. It’s a nice, breezy day. I’ve got my window down, music nicely coming through the speakers, everything’s very casual. I stop at a stoplight. Then…I hear it before I see it.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

That loud metallic rattling like something is trapped and trying to get out of a car’s trunk. Then this car with kids hanging out of it pulls up with music you can hear (and feel!) within a one-tenth mile radius! I roll my eyes, clench my teeth, and mutter how annoying it is that their NOISE is ruining MY calm afternoon.

I turn to glare at the kid driving, thinking that maybe my disapproving look will make them want to turn off their pollution and turn on my calming music. The kid driving turns to look at me. Our eyes meet.

The kid is me, fifteen years ago.

CRAP!!!

Wordless Wednesday

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Tuesday Tickles: The Salesman

Hahahahaha!! Ok, I know this poem may not be “politically correct”, but oh, my WORD did I laugh out loud when I got to the end! I hope you do, too. Enjoy!

The Salesman – Donna Word Chappell

Luke was a hippy, weird and wild;
A real, true, genuine flower child.
Homer Brown had a happy life,
A men’s clothing store, two kids, and a wife.

Homer put a sign in his window one day
Saying “Salesman Wanted, Right Away.”
Luke walked by and viewed the sign
As a way to make money without half tryin’.

Homer was speechless when Luke the slob
Said, “Hey! You need a salesman, and I need a job!”
When his voice returned he asked Luke real slow,
“Do you really think you can sell men’s clothes?”

Luke said, “Sure, Man! This I know,
I could sell ice to an Eskimo!”
Homer was in a real big bind.
He really didn’t want that kind

Of person in his organization,
But if the guy hollered “discrimination”
He’d be in an even bigger mess.
What to do next he couldn’t even guess.

Then he remembered the suit on the rack.
It was orange and red and yellow and black.
Homer by now was feeling real mean so he
Added a vest that was yellow and green.

He pulled it out from the clothing rack.
Luke took one look and was taken aback.
“What in the world is that?” said Luke.
“This is my salesman testing suit,”

Said Homer with a great big smile.
“It’s been with me for quite awhile.
I’m leaving now for an hour or more.
If you sell the suit, the job is yours.”

Homer smiled again as he closed the door,
Knowing he was off the hook for sure.
When he returned the first thing he saw
Was the hippy, bruised, scratched, bleeding, and raw.

His clothes were in shreds from his knees to his chin,
But on his face was a great big grin.
“I sold the suit! I did it, Man!”
Said Luke. “Hey, boss, you got a new hand!”

“I can’t believe you did that, Luke.
Was the customer happy with the suit?”
“Yeah, man! The customer liked it a bunch.
But his seeing eye dog nearly ate my lunch.”