Ok, people. This is meant to be funny only! And if you can’t see the slight truth in the sterotyping as it relates to your state, just don’t bother reading it, lol. Don’t judge me, but one of my absolute favorties is Utah, lol!
Improved State Mottos
Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!
Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
California: As Seen on TV
Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
Delaware: Please Call Before Visiting So We Can Make Room
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the “Fun” in Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes… Well Okay, We’re Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Gateway to Iowa
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We’re Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That’s Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: Cheap Lobster
Maryland: A Thinking Man’s Delaware
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Minnesota: For Sale
Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Whores and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: Um… We’ve got… Um… Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
Ohio: Don’t Judge Us by Cleveland
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl, It’s What’s For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Se Hablo Ingles
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?
Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family — Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese
I’ve been hearing a lot about the movie Titanic lately. Not the educational Titanic, either. Everyone left the educational part back in April with the 100-year anniversary of the sinking. No, I mean the Leo and Kate one. The first three-hour movie (and not the most enjoyable…LotR wins that award) I ever sat through.
The day was December 25, 1997. Yes. Christmas Day. I watched a movie about one of the greatest maritimes tragedies ever on Christmas Day. The only reason I ended up in the theatre was because my sister had been running around outside barefoot (remember…we live in Florida…we can do that) and stepped on a broken metal pipe, gouging her foot and necessitating a trip to the emergency room. I love my sister dearly, but I didn’t want to spend Christmas in the ER. So myself, my friend Liz, her boyfriend (now husband) Adrian, and his brother Alex went to take in the blockbuster spectacular.
Oh, my word. The first hour and a half was fine, though it included the absolutely scandelous *gasp* sketching scene. After the iceburg, though, it was all downhill from there – figuratively and kinda literally. Liz and I spent the last hour and a half bawling while the boys were laughing. Their biggest laugh? THUD. If you’ve seen the movie, you know EXACTLY what part I’m talking about! I was doing ok until it got to the part where the people in the lower part knew they were going to die, so the mother tucked the children in and the old couple held each other. Oh, was I a mess. Then, as the heartfelt “I’ll never let you go, Jack!” as they’re both clinging to wreckage, and Jack sinking into the depths a frozen Jack-sicle. For months after, I could not hear the song My Heart Will Go On without bursting into tears.
Maybe I’m too sensitive, I don’t know. I know I do have a very empathetic spirit, so the pain of the people on the screen, knowing it represented the pain and fear of an actual event, tore at me deeply.
But I’m over it now. Kinda. It’s been fifteen years, and I still have never watched the boat sink again. I can watch up that point. I don’t think I’ll ever watch it again.
So all that to lead up to the funny part. In honor of the re-release, fifteenth anniversary of the blockbuster hit Titanic, I leave you this.
Enjoy your Tuesday, everyone!
Some of you who are going to identify in this rant with me may already have guessed the nature of the rant just by the title. For those of you who think I mean hourglass as an actual timekeeper – I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’re wrong.
I HATE IT WHEN THE STUPID HOURGLASS ON THE COMPUTER STOPS TURNING!
Do you know why I hate it? Because I know what it means. When that little hourglass is turning, it means all is well. It means life is dandy, roses are red, violets are blue, and my computer is still loading. But when it freezes…it’s like a game of freeze tag. When someone yelled “FREEZE!”, that meant exactly what it implies: you need to stop immediately and not move a muscle. Apparently, computers have their own little game of freeze, except that they are the only ones playing. They are the ones that internally yell FREEZE and then stop moving completely! It really is quite the selfish game they play, because they leave me in the dark. What if I wanted to play? But oh, no, they don’t care about that. All they care about is randomly making it to where you just stare at it as the hourglass stops moving a few seconds after you saved a huge project. We all get the same look: our eyes get bigger, our jaws drop a little, and a low moan escapes our lips: “Oh, no, no, NO!!” Then, like it’s going to do any better than trying to press remote buttons harder when we know the batteries are dead, we start forcing our mouse around, trying to get it to move. Then we hit a few keys. When we’ve established that the computer is indeed playing the best game of freeze imaginable, we have the same thought: “I wonder if my project saved??”
There’s an easy answer to this question. If you still have more than a day before your project is due, then it saved fine. Your computer just wanted to see your eyes bug out. But if your project is due the next morning…it didn’t save. Don’t even bother hoping. Murphy must have been the best lawyer imaginable, because his law is flawless. Completely loophole-free. “Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.” He must have had the gift of prophecy and saw our technology.
In closing…computers are a great thing. They save us a lot of time. We tend to take them for granted…until that freakin’ HOURGLASS STOPS MOVING! I’ll tell you what, I may have typed slower on a typewriter, but I don’t remember ever having one crash and losing data on an important project! So take THAT, HOURGLASS!!
One of the funniest videos I’ve seen about this particular subject. Actually, it’s the only video I’ve seen about this particular subject, but it’s hilairous nonetheless!
**This has been a Soapbox Saturday message. The intent of a Soapbox Saturday message is not to offend or retaliate. It is meant as a light-hearted attempt at airing what ails you. If you would like to have your own Soapbox Saturday featured, email it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember Soapbox Saturdays are for entertainment and must not include cursing, crude, derogatory, or malicious content. **
**I felt like doing something light and fun today. Plus, this gives you a little glimpse into me by a look at the different music I have on my phone!**
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!
1) YOUR NAME IS:
My Immortal – Evanescence (I believe my soul is immortal, so I shall call it…My Immortal…SOUL!)
2) WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOU BEST:
Grace That Is Greater – Bart Millard (I would hope I practice grace this is greater than what this world would expect, so I’ll take that)
3) WHAT YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU:
Make Her Love Me – Rascal Flatts (I love all of you! You don’t have to make me!!! <3)
4) WHAT YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS:
Freshman – The Verve Pipe (LOL! I would agree that sometimes even the oldest of us certainly act like freshmen!)
5) YOUR MOOD RIGHT NOW:
Healing Hand of God – Jeremy Camp (I have been contemplating several situations of loved ones recently that could certainly use the healing hand of God. <3)
6) WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE ONE YOU LIKE:
In Too Deep – Sum 41 (LOL! This does seem to be the tendency when I do like someone. I’m glad I’m not there right now!)
7) SONG YOU’LL DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING:
So What – Pink (Sounds kinda heartless. I guess it would depend on who I was dancing with and what lead to the dance, lol!)
8) LAST SONG YOU’LL HEAR BEFORE YOU DIE:
Breathe – Taylor Swift (HA!! HAHAHAHA!! The whole survey was worth it for this one answer!!)
9) WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT:
Victory in Jesus – Bart Millard (I guess every day I live to see the end of is a victory!)
10) WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO THE PRESIDENT IF YOU MET HIM:
Red Letters – dc Talk (This would make sense, since it’s referring to the words of Jesus…Oh, but we’re not a Christian nation…that’s right…)
11) THE FIRST THING YOU’LL SAY TO YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD:
All Because of Jesus – Fee (I would have to agree…He’s the one that would have blessed me with the child in the first place!)
12) THE LAST THING YOU THINK OF BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP:
How’s It Going to Be – Third Eye Blind (My nights have been restless and full of weird dreams and wakings during the night. So yes, this would be an accurate assessment of my thoughts…what’s tonight sleep going to be like?
13) THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF EACH MORNING:
La La Land – All-Star United (lol…It’s more why can’t I STAY in La-La Land!)
14) WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE YOUR BEST FRIEND:
Backwards – Rascal Flatts (Oh, boy…if you knew my very best friend, this would be so hilarious!)
15) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT DATE:
Trust and Obey – Big Daddy Weave (Hmmm…this sounds very…odd. Not sure it’s a date I’d want to be on!)
16) WHAT YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD HOMEWORK:
For the Heart I Once Had – Nightwish (Considering it’s been many years since I’ve been in school, and that I loved school, this would definitely be a heart I once had!)
17) YOUR THEME SONG:
Break Open the Sky – tobyMac (lol!! I have a sick obsession with weather, and am now watching Tropical Storm Isaac almost religiously, so this makes a lot of sense!)
18) YOUR WINNING SONG ON AMERICAN IDOL:
Starry Night – Chris August (This is hilarious! Wasn’t Chris August ON American Idol?)
19) ONE SONG YOU’RE DESTINED TO LEARN THE DANCE MOVES TO:
Walking on the Stars – Group 1 Crew (I love this song, so that would be awesome!)
20) WHAT YOU’LL POST THIS AS:
It’s Killing Me – dc Talk (Well, this should get people all curious and looking to see what the heck I’m talking about!)
CHALLENGE OF THE DAY: Sometimes you just have to have fun! It’s okay to take a break every once in a while. God has a great snese of humor, and He passed that on to mankind! Don’t be afraid to use it!