Saturday Soapbox #6: YES, I STILL WANT FRIES WITH THAT!!

Earlier this week, I pulled into the drive-thru at my local McDonald’s. Looking at the board, I thought to myself, “Something looks strange. It looks…brighter…” Then I realized that they had changed the menu board. It now had a white background, which is why it was brighter. But there was also something else on it…

NUMBERS! CALORIE NUMBERS! REALLY?!?! UGH!!!

I am SO TIRED of the calorie-obsessed world we live in! As if calories are the ONLY thing standing between us and perfect health! Knowing how many calories is in my cheeseburger before I eat it isn’t going to make it any healthier or unhealthier for me! For the love, if you were THAT obsessed with how many calories were in your food, you wouldn’t be eating McDonald’s in the first place!

NEWSFLASH: Fast food places are NOT making America fat. AMERICANS are making America fat! Take some personal responsibility, for crying out loud! Stop whining that McDonald’s is making your family fat while you’re eating dinner sitting in front of the TV! GO OUTSIDE AND GET SOME FRESH AIR!!

This stupid new menu is yet ANOTHER means of taking personal responsibility off our plates. It’s supposed to help us make better choices, but if fails because fat or thin, healthy or unhealthy don’t rise or fall by calories alone! There are so many factors beyond just a freakin’ number!

If I ever become one of those people who think, “OK, in order for me to eat one Oreo, I’m going to need to do fifty jumping jacks. If I have a tablespoon of milk with it, then I’ll need to add a ten-minute sprint,” SOMEONE KICK MY ARSE! That’s got to be a miserable way to live! I want to enjoy my food, not be scared of it!

Be smart, but be responsible. That’s all there is to it. Our ancestors didn’t even think about calories. You wouldn’t see frontier women choosing some chef salad over a steak or a bag of apples over a butter-laden baked potato. But they were healthier in most ways than we are. You know why? BECAUSE THEY GOT OFF THEIR BUTTS AND DID STUFF! They worked hard! So stop counting and starting walking! Enjoy your life! Don’t condemn your mind and self-image by stressing over everything that goes in your mouth. What the stress is doing to your body is worse than what those few extra calories would have done.

So with that said, GIVE ME MY FRIES, DANGIT!!!

**This has been a Soapbox Saturday message. The intent of a Soapbox Saturday message is not to offend  or retaliate. It is meant as a light-hearted attempt at airing what ails you. If you would like to have your own Soapbox Saturday featured, email it to livelikethat11930@gmail.com. Remember Soapbox Saturdays are for entertainment and must not include cursing, crude, derogatory, or malicious content. **

Soapbox Saturday #5: PLEASE GET A DRIVER, MISS DAISY!!!

Tammy has given me a wonderful opportunity to take part in the Saturday Soapbox! I’ve spent the past few days trying to figure out just what exactly I could write about—and this morning it hit me (almost literally.)

I got a phone call early this morning asking if I would go pick up my grandmother’s medicine and then take it to her apartment at the retirement home. Not a problem.

Little did I know what mayhem awaited me on the roadways between my house and Walmart. Initially, I started following somebody in a boat of a vehicle going ten (read: 10) miles in a twenty-five (read: TWENTY-FIVE) mile per hour zone. No matter, I figured. I’m accustomed to slower drivers in my neighborhood since there are retirement homes, as well as various retirees living around me. I made it across town to Walmart and was promptly cut off by an old woman in a Buick Somethingorother as she squinted to see over her steering wheel. Odd, they’re out in droves today, I thought to myself. As I made my way across the parking lot, I was nearly hit by two (TWO!) senior citizens in their mad rush for their special parking.

I got in and out of the pharmacy quickly, and made my way back across town without any further issues…so I thought. As I went to turn into the retirement home, I was nearly broadsided by an elderly gentleman in a too-big pickup truck, who in turn “parked” in the closest handicapped parking. I say “parked” because 1. He didn’t have the proper sticker or window-hanging allowing him to park, and 2. He sort of parked his vehicle half on the sidewalk, less-than-halfway in the actual parking spot. After he went inside, I sat in my vehicle and literally cried out “WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE TODAY?!”

I’m all for people living independently, but COME ON. If you’re a danger to others while operating a motor vehicle, then you must CERTAINLY be a danger to yourself! Trust me, there’s no harm in having someone else drive you! This twenty-three year old would gladly have someone cart his behind around because driving gets old.

In conclusion…I’m driving an army tank when I venture out from now on.

**This has been a Soapbox Saturday message. The intent of a Soapbox Saturday message is not to offend  or retaliate. It is meant as a light-hearted attempt at airing what ails you. If you would like to have your own Soapbox Saturday featured, email it to livelikethat11930@gmail.com. Remember Soapbox Saturdays are for entertainment and must not include cursing, crude, derogatory, or malicious content. **

NAME THAT TUNE!!

**In hopes that people will be encouraged to comment and have a little fun…**

How well do you know songs? Do you know a lot, or a variety of genres? Let’s test that knowledge!

1: Put your music player on shuffle.

2: Post the first part from the first 50 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing (or the second line, if the first is a dead giveaway).

3: I’ll try to keep up with crossing out or deleting the songs when someone guesses the artist/song title correctly, but check the comments before you guess in case I’m behind.

4: For those who are guessing — looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!

5: If you like the game, post your own.

NOTE: if the lyric begins with … then that means I omitted the first line because the name of the song was in it…

Don’t cheat!

1. All he could think about was I’m too young for this…

2. Yeah, I, tell you something, I think you’ll understand…

3. I’d heard your name but never seen your face/been touched before but never your embrace…

4. I heard you were back in town/I heard you were coming round…

5. He is sensible, and so incredible and all my single friends are jealous…

6. You gave all you had/I didn’t choose him; he chose me first…

7. If I tell you something you need to know/I gotta back it up; I gotta let it show…

8. Come to the water, you who thirst, and you’ll thirst no more…

9. To find this love of mine/I’d walk through wind and fire…

10. Last thing I remember saying bye to yesterday/Glad to see it over pulling covers over my head…

11. …Of a little girl with dark brown eyes that disappear when she smiles…

12. My heartbeat’s standing on edge, but my feet have finally left the ledge…

13. …To the promises you made/and I will give it all to the Maker of the day…

14. Everyone around the world hear the joyful sound/see the heavens open up with the music coming down…

15. Leave it all behind (x4)/I have what you need, but you keep on searching…

16. I can almost see it/That dream I’m dreaming…

17. You hold the weight of the world but still I don’t fall through Your hands…

18. …I surrender/All to Him I freely give…

19. If tonight is your last train out of here/how you gonna run like that/how you gonna run like that…

20. I see the moon/a million stars are out tonight/gentle reminders of the way you are…

21. There’s a stirring in the throne room/and all creation holds its breath…

22. Sunny days seem to hurt the most/I wear the pain like a heavy coat…

23. There’s a place where I come from/it’s the place where I belong/where you will never die/wipe the tears off from your eyes…

24. I can’t feel you moving inside/i don’t hear your voice whispering in the night…

25. I woke up this morning/With this feeling inside me that I can’t explain…

26. When I’m feeling all alone/it’s so far to go/the signs are nowhere on this road/guiding me home…

27. Here is love vast as the ocean/loving kindness is the flow…

28. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 97: wear…

29. Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy/grab my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit this city…

30. You must, you must think I’m strong/to give me what I’m going through…

31. …Singing in the dead of night/Take these broken wings and learn to fly…

32. You may think I’m just fine/how could anything ever be out of line…

33. I don’t mind confiding I make stupid mistakes/been mislead and misguided/i’m easily led astray…

34. I walk a lonely road/The only one that I have ever known…

35. I’ve been searching for/a heart that needs a heart like mine…

36. …I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you…

37. Water you turned into wine/opened the eyes of the blind…

38. At twenty years of age/i’m still looking for a dream/a war’s already waging for my destiny…

39. …Were like shooting stars/i could really use a wish right now/wish right now…

40. Come and sit here by my side/For our time will soon be gone/and these tears I cannot hide/for it’s your turn to move on…

41. So you thought you had to keep this up/all the work that you do so we think that you’re good…

42. I’ve got a smile on my face and I’ve got four walls around me/i’ve got the sun in the sky all this water surrounds me…

43. Just a small-town girl/living in a lonely world/she took the midnight train going anywhere…

44. God asks the question/whom shall I send/and how should we answer/will we do as He says…

45. It’s not my problem anymore/see it never really was/so you can stop caring as you call it/and I’ll be fine right here…

46. Daddy was a preacher/she was his wife/just trying to make the world a little better/you know, shine a light…

47. The bar was empty/i was sweeping up the floor/that’s when she walked in/i said I’m sorry, but we’re closed…

48. I don’t want another pretty face/i don’t want just anyone to hold…

49. The splendor of the King/clothed in majesty/let all the earth rejoice/all the earth rejoice…

50. My eyes are open wide/by the way I made it through the day/i watch the world outside/by the way, I’m leaving out today…

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Soapbox Saturday #3 – WHEN THE HOURGLASS STOPS MOVING!!

Some of you who are going to identify in this rant with me may already have guessed the nature of the rant just by the title. For those of you who think I mean hourglass as an actual timekeeper – I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’re wrong.

I HATE IT WHEN THE STUPID HOURGLASS ON THE COMPUTER STOPS TURNING!

Do you know why I hate it? Because I know what it means. When that little hourglass is turning, it means all is well. It means life is dandy, roses are red, violets are blue, and my computer is still loading. But when it freezes…it’s like a game of freeze tag. When someone yelled “FREEZE!”, that meant exactly what it implies: you need to stop immediately and not move a muscle. Apparently, computers have their own little game of freeze, except that they are the only ones playing. They are the ones that internally yell FREEZE and then stop moving completely! It really is quite the selfish game they play, because they leave me in the dark. What if I wanted to play? But oh, no, they don’t care about that. All they care about is randomly making it to where you just stare at it as the hourglass stops moving a few seconds after you saved a huge project. We all get the same look: our eyes get bigger, our jaws drop a little, and a low moan escapes our lips: “Oh, no, no, NO!!” Then, like it’s going to do any better than trying to press remote buttons harder when we know the batteries are dead, we start forcing our mouse around, trying to get it to move. Then we hit a few keys. When we’ve established that the computer is indeed playing the best game of freeze imaginable, we have the same thought: “I wonder if my project saved??”

There’s an easy answer to this question. If you still have more than a day before your project is due, then it saved fine. Your computer just wanted to see your eyes bug out. But if your project is due the next morning…it didn’t save. Don’t even bother hoping. Murphy must have been the best lawyer imaginable, because his law is flawless. Completely loophole-free. “Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.” He must have had the gift of prophecy and saw our technology.

In closing…computers are a great thing. They save us a lot of time. We tend to take them for granted…until that freakin’ HOURGLASS STOPS MOVING! I’ll tell you what, I may have typed slower on a typewriter, but I don’t remember ever having one crash and losing data on an important project! So take THAT, HOURGLASS!!

One of the funniest videos I’ve seen about this particular subject. Actually, it’s the only video I’ve seen about this particular subject, but it’s hilairous nonetheless!

**This has been a Soapbox Saturday message. The intent of a Soapbox Saturday message is not to offend  or retaliate. It is meant as a light-hearted attempt at airing what ails you. If you would like to have your own Soapbox Saturday featured, email it to livelikethat11930@gmail.com. Remember Soapbox Saturdays are for entertainment and must not include cursing, crude, derogatory, or malicious content. **

It’s Killing Me – Musical Survey!

**I felt like doing something light and fun today. Plus, this gives you a little glimpse into me by a look at the different music I have on my phone!**

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!

1) YOUR NAME IS:

My Immortal – Evanescence (I believe my soul is immortal, so I shall call it…My Immortal…SOUL!)

2) WHAT SONG DESCRIBES YOU BEST:

Grace That Is Greater – Bart Millard (I would hope I practice grace this is greater than what this world would expect, so I’ll take that)

3) WHAT YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU:

Make Her Love Me – Rascal Flatts (I love all of you! You don’t have to make me!!! <3)

4) WHAT YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS:

Freshman – The Verve Pipe (LOL! I would agree that sometimes even the oldest of us certainly act like freshmen!)

5) YOUR MOOD RIGHT NOW:

Healing Hand of God – Jeremy Camp (I have been contemplating several situations of loved ones recently that could certainly use the healing hand of God. <3)

6) WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE ONE YOU LIKE:

In Too Deep – Sum 41 (LOL! This does seem to be the tendency when I do like someone. I’m glad I’m not there right now!)

7) SONG YOU’LL DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING:

So What – Pink (Sounds kinda heartless. I guess it would depend on who I was dancing with and what lead to the dance, lol!)

8) LAST SONG YOU’LL HEAR BEFORE YOU DIE:

Breathe – Taylor Swift (HA!! HAHAHAHA!! The whole survey was worth it for this one answer!!)

9) WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT:

Victory in Jesus – Bart Millard (I guess every day I live to see the end of is a victory!)

10) WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO THE PRESIDENT IF YOU MET HIM:

Red Letters – dc Talk (This would make sense, since it’s referring to the words of Jesus…Oh, but we’re not a Christian nation…that’s right…)

11) THE FIRST THING YOU’LL SAY TO YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD:

All Because of Jesus – Fee (I would have to agree…He’s the one that would have blessed me with the child in the first place!)

12) THE LAST THING YOU THINK OF BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP:

How’s It Going to Be – Third Eye Blind (My nights have been restless and full of weird dreams and wakings during the night. So yes, this would be an accurate assessment of my thoughts…what’s tonight sleep going to be like?

13) THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF EACH MORNING:

La La Land – All-Star United (lol…It’s more why can’t I STAY in La-La Land!)

14) WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE YOUR BEST FRIEND:

Backwards – Rascal Flatts (Oh, boy…if you knew my very best friend, this would be so hilarious!)

15) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT DATE:

Trust and Obey – Big Daddy Weave (Hmmm…this sounds very…odd. Not sure it’s a date I’d want to be on!)

16) WHAT YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD HOMEWORK:

For the Heart I Once Had – Nightwish (Considering it’s been many years since I’ve been in school, and that I loved school, this would definitely be a heart I once had!)

17) YOUR THEME SONG:

Break Open the Sky – tobyMac (lol!! I have a sick obsession with weather, and am now watching Tropical Storm Isaac almost religiously, so this makes a lot of sense!)

18) YOUR WINNING SONG ON AMERICAN IDOL:

Starry Night – Chris August (This is hilarious! Wasn’t Chris August ON American Idol?)

19) ONE SONG YOU’RE DESTINED TO LEARN THE DANCE MOVES TO:

Walking on the Stars – Group 1 Crew (I love this song, so that would be awesome!)

20) WHAT YOU’LL POST THIS AS:

It’s Killing Me – dc Talk (Well, this should get people all curious and looking to see what the heck I’m talking about!)

CHALLENGE OF THE DAY: Sometimes you just have to have fun! It’s okay to take a break every once in a while. God has a great snese of humor, and He passed that on to mankind! Don’t be afraid to use it!

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Soapbox Saturday #2 – BATHROOM HANDS!!

Public restrooms. We’ve all had to use them at one point or another. Sometimes the urge will hit you when you’re out and about, and you just have no choice. It’s always slightly awkward using a public bathroom, because it’s embarrassing the things that might come out of us. One way to get over the anxiety, the way I did, is to realize that all people make the same sounds I do, so it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It just happens, so whatever. But that’s not the point of this Soapbox Saturday. It’s what happens AFTER the deed is done that’s truly bothersome to me.

So I go into a public restroom to use the bathroom. There might be one or two other ladies in there…whatever. I go into my little stall, take a seat, and let nature take its course. The person in another stall gets done. The toilet flushes, the door opens. Obviously the next sound I expect to hear is running water. But then the door opens. I didn’t hear running water before I heard the door open…

HEY, YOU! YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR FREAKIN’ HANDS!!!

EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! That is one thing that will send a shudder down my spine. I don’t know what you did in your stall, but I have a vague idea, and I don’t want to be touching anything your hands are touching after you’ve used the bathroom and not washed your hands! It seems common sense to me, but I guess not everyone can be bothered. There may be the few that prefer Germ-X to washing hands (and that’s a whole other post!), but I’m pretty sure most of the people walking out of that bathroom with unwashed hands are not using Germ-X! I mean, think of what could be on your hands, especially if you’ve had to sit a while (you know what I mean!). Gross! How could you NOT want to wash your hands?

At least, in a public restroom, chances are you won’t have to worry about touching anything the person with yucky hands is touching because it’s a store. Just use a towel to open the door. Oh, and kudos to the Stuart Walmart for being the only place I’ve seen with Germ-X right outside the bathroom doors!  But what do you do when the person who didn’t wash their hands is in your own house? A lot of houses are set to where, even if you don’t mean to, you can hear when the toilet flushes and when the sink comes on. And when you hear that toilet flush, but the door opens with no running water having been heard, what do you do then? It’s not like one adult can ask another, “Hey, did you wash your hands?” That doesn’t fly as well as it would if you were talking to, say, a child. You don’t want to embarrass the person, but how can you avoid touching them? And they’re going to be touching things around your house with unwashed bathroom hands…*gag*

Oh, Lysol, how I love thee! Let me count the ways:

1. Bathroom doorknob

2. Counter

3. Table

4. Chair

5. Remote

(etc)

**This has been a Soapbox Saturday message. The intent of a Soapbox Saturday message is not to offend  or retaliate. It is meant as a light-hearted attempt at airing what ails you. If you would like to have your own Soapbox Saturday featured, email it to livelikethat11930@gmail.com. Remember Soapbox Saturdays are for entertainment and must not include cursing, crude, derogatory, or malicious content. **

Stupidest Car Repair EVER!!

**This is one of my most favorite stories in recent years. In hopes of being a little on the lighter side today, I share with you a tale of my faithful Jeep Cherokee, which, while I no longer own it, will always have a huge place in my heart.**

Pizza. Cici’s Pizza. That’s all I wanted. Really. It’s not like I can go there for their cheesy garlic bread anymore, thank you very much! So there I was last night. The parking lot.

Now, having just come from a football game-which the school I taught at won 30-16!-I was still in a skirt. Well, there’s a quick way to change without having to go into a building and use their bathroom. It’s called slip into the passenger side of the car, pull the jeans on under your skirt, take your skirt off, and you’re set to go. So that’s what found me in the passenger seat of my car.

Change successful.

I open the car door to get out.

Open successful.

I went to close the car door.

Close…unsuccessful?

This door had given me trouble for as long as I have had the car (three and a half years), so I do what I normally do and push harder.

Close unsuccessful.

Push. And push. Lift and push. Heave. Pour water on metal piston for lubrication (yes, I KNOW the principles of rust, but I’m desperate here!) and push with all my might.

Will. Not. CLOSE!

What in the world?!? I’ve had cars stall, cars not start, cars lose their muffler while I’m driving (oh, how I miss that wagon!), but this?? A door not closing? Stupid.

So I call my friend Adam, cause he’s the only guy I can think of that could help, since he was on his way to Cici’s anyways. He says he’ll be right there. Well, he gets there, parks his van, and he, his wife Jen, and his brother John come upon me looking absolutely pathetic next to a door that will not close.

Adam tries to close it.

Will not close.

John tries to close it.

Will not close.

Jerrill pulls up and tries to close it.

Will not close.

The next hour consisted of hard work and sweat on Adam’s part, flashlight and keep-this-stuff-from-falling-on-Adam on John and Jerrill’s part, and keep-Tammy-sane on Jen’s part. We borrowed tools from Cici’s. The (owner?) came over to see what was up. He thought it was hilarious.

He tries to close the door.

Will not close.

Adam has the kick panel off. It’s getting later and later. We talk about leaving it and just coming back to it and praying God will protect what’s in the car. Jerrill tells me if we do that, make sure I roll up the window so no one gets in. Thanks, Jerrill. Good ol’ Mr. Owner Man comes back out and gives us a free pizza and tells us good luck. That was totally cool. Thank you, Mr. Owner Man! We finally send Jen to Walmart to buy a hacksaw, so we can just cut through this piston and shut the stupid door. While Jen is on her way, Adam puts the kick panel back on, cause there’s really not much more we can do. He gets kick panel put back on.

Jerrill tries to close the door.

Will…close??

WHAT?

The door closed!! CANCEL THE HACKSAW!! Apparently Adam had done enough banging around in there to get the door to close! YAY!!!!

We have a celebratory slice of pizza and get ready to go into Cici’s and enjoy what is sure to be, after all the drama, the tastiest Cici’s pizza buffet ever.

Then we hear John’s voice. “Hey, Tammy. Your interior lights are on.”

Ok… Doors closed? Check. Not turned on manually? Check. Dimmer switch not set to some weird function? Check.

Uh oh.

Somehow, something got messed up with the sensor in the passenger door, so that, even though it was now closed, the car wasn’t registering the fact that it was closed, thereby assuming it was open and keeping the stupid light on.

STUPID!!!

Well, we obviously couldn’t leave it like that. So we figure we’ll take out the fuse that controls the interior lights. One problem, though. The diagram doesn’t seem to match the fuses actually in there. CRAP! So we mess around with the fuses under the hood. Jerrill takes each one out until, finally, at the last one he tries, the interior lights go off. Yay!! So we turn on the car to see what else has been affected.

Heart. In. Feet.

I HAVE NO RADIO!!!! Now, this might seem like not a big deal to some people, but those of you reading this who remember the rusty bullet know EXACTLY why this was a big deal! Ok. So no radio and no odometer. I will survive, as long as the car starts when I need it to. So we go into Cici’s and enjoy our buffet.

After dinner, I get in the car to go home, after making plans with Adam to look at the car on Monday afternoon to see if we could figure out what was going on. I begin driving through the parking lot in a very silent car (but at least my windows work). I look down to see how fast I’m going.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I have no console gadgets. No gas gauge. No speedometer. No odometer. No temp gauge. *sigh*

I turn on my GPS, so I will at least have a speedometer. I’m pretty sure I am a little over half a tank on gas. I go home.

STUPIDEST CAR REPAIR EVER!!

CHALLENGE OF THE DAY: We all have those situations that come into our lives that seem so negative when we are going through them, yet somewhere in the back of our minds we realize that it’s something we’re going to look back on one day and laugh it. If you’re facing on of those situations today, keep breathing. This, too, shall pass, and one day you will look back on it and maybe laugh, maybe smile, but hopefully always will remember the lesson you learned. Keep that in perspective, and the problem here and now will seem not so insurmountable.

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